The Boy bought me Gin and that’s all right.

Monday, 16 July 2007

How strange is it to say good bye to someone?

I thought that I'd had my fair share of saying good bye. I thought that I was pretty well versed at it. My father died when I was eleven and my grandfathers both died shortly after that. I had the saying good bye thing covered. I also got pretty good at being a pall bearer.

But the thing is I'd never said good bye to a friend. And don’t panic now… no one’s died. But I’ve had friends go away recently, go on holidays and trips and exciting adventures and I’ve had to say good bye to them for a little while, or for a long while or maybe for ever.

And I’d never done that before. Ever. And it broke my heart.

Bridget and Dave went way. And though I know, eventually, one day they will be back for some time at least, it doesn’t change the sorrow I had at saying good bye to them both and their beautiful little boy. And it only makes it worse that I was happy for them. Excited for them to be living such a fantastic adventure and at the same time my heart recognised the anticipated absence that they would leave when they were gone. That part of my heart will have no reflection, it will mirror nothing because my friends will be gone.

Dave and Bridget, Adam and Hannah, Lou and Ross, all these people who I’d grown to love all going away recently for one reason or another and more saying good bye than I thought I could handle. It’s strange, and an indictment of the human ability to express love, that my feelings for them had not felt so strong as when I had to say good bye to them. But they will be back one day. We will see them again and we will laugh with each other and annoy each other and chat and argue and discuss and sermonise.

Saying good bye for a little time or a long time has both an honest and a selfish pain to it. An honest yearning for that connection not to be lost and a selfish need for that someone to remain, if only to keep your own inner compass properly aligned.

Carl has gone away too, gone to the other side of the country to go to Drama School. And though I started out disliking him intensely, I discovered that I had come to very much enjoy his company. We took him out for dinner and drank with him and laughed. Said good bye.

But the boy bought me a bottle of Bombay Sapphire after dinner and that’s all right. I drank a few glasses and remembered that my beautiful partner and I will leave too soon, for our own exciting adventure. We will make new friends and re-meet old ones. Our own lives will go through an exciting and tumultuous odyssey.

See? Gin fixes everything.

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